The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
