It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
