this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
