i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
