Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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