i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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