I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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