I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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