Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
