as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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