I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize