I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
