I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
