the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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