if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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