No stitches, just platelets and will power
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
did i just pee glitter
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
