To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
