I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
