Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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