I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
