On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
MIDGETS
????
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
