My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
