Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
