So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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