he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
