sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
