is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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