I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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