i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
jump out the window naked night went bad
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