Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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