We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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