Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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