The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
