I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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