Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's never too late to be topless.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
