In the future we'll all be gay
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How naked do you want me to be?
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