Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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