i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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