he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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