There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
