I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
