But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
