im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
