im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize