Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
