I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
