The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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