his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
