he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
