Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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