Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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