I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
