Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
