two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
