Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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