apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
