i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
