dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
