dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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