I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
