I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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