Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
