I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
