I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
