R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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