i used baking grease as lip gloss
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
