theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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