I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
