This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
