So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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