Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want a musical about memes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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