theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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