Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
