I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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