areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
