I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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