So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
